Decide to Use the Four Agreements to Support You in Making Heart-Guided Decisions
In Episode 9 of The Business Mamas Podcast, I introduced a Framework for Enhanced Well-Being - Focus on Beliefs, Relationships & Making Heart-Guided Decisions. By using this framework, I have been able to unlock the incredible peace that comes with being present in my work, with my kids, and in other aspects of my life. I know you're ready to welcome that peace into your life as well. When you have empowering beliefs, and empowering relationships with yourself and others, you are setting yourself up to value yourself, to know your truth, and then to honor yourself and your truth by making heart-guided decisions.
The Four Agreements is an amazing book written by Don Miguel Ruiz. The Four Agreements he shares in his book are:
1) Be impeccable with your word;
2) Don't make assumptions;
3) Don't take anything personally; and
4) Always do your best.
Today, I want to talk with you about these agreements, and how you can use them to help you make heart-guided decisions.
First, I want to talk with you a little more about two of the agreements that I have spoken to you about previously. Then, I want to talk with you about the two remaining agreements that we haven't discussed together yet.
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Let's begin by talking about being impeccable with your word. Don Miguel Ruiz explains “be impeccable with your word” like this:
“Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”
For as long as I can remember, whenever I have heard people gossiping, it makes me sick. The air in the room feels heavy and I feel discouraged. I have oftentimes felt like my energy is negatively impacted by being in the same room with people who are gossiping. When I encounter people gossiping, I make one of two choices; I leave or I suggest to those who are gossiping that they stop. I no longer spend time with people who gossip.
When I was recently interviewing for a job I was hiring for in my law firm, beyond looking at the applicants’ skills and knowledge, I also looked very closely at candidates’ attitudes, and I spent a great deal of time making sure that my hiring process would maximize the chance of me getting to add a team member that was anti-gossip and who had a positive attitude. I don't spend time with people anymore, who spend their days criticizing others and just being mean. I spend time with people who want to rise and who want to enjoy rising together. If you're interested in more on the topic of being impeccable with your word, please listen to Episode 25 of The Business Mamas Podcast for additional insight on that topic.
Always Do Your Best
Don Miguel Ruiz explains “always do your best” like this:
“Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.” If you're interested in more on the topic of choosing to do your best rather than pursuing perfection, please listen to Episode 24 of The Business Mamas Podcast for additional insight on that topic.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Now, I want to switch gears to talk about the two agreements that I haven't discussed with you yet, but that are so important. Don Miguel Ruiz explains “don’t take anything personally” like this:
“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”
One of the greatest fears that many people have is public speaking. Their greatest fear is not of being eaten by a shark or falling off a cliff; it's speaking to a group of people. How can this be possible? It's possible because we have a desire to be liked and accepted.
It's this desire to be liked and accepted that oftentimes has us playing small. We don't want to speak our truth or raise our voice to add our valuable perspective to a discussion because by being silent, we shield ourselves from criticism and the possibility that another person would have a bad opinion of us.
-Imagine for a moment, what it would feel like if you were immune to the opinions and actions of others.
-Imagine for a moment, what it would feel like if you knew that nothing others do is because of you.
-Imagine for a moment, what it would feel like if you knew that what others say and do is a projection of only their own reality.
I recognize that sometimes someone will speak to you in a way that feels inconsiderate to you or hurts your feelings. If you don't take it personally, and you are impeccable with your word by speaking your truth, amazing breakthroughs in relationship closeness are awaiting you.
When you choose to not take things personally, you won't be the victim of needless suffering; you will be free.
Don’t Make Assumptions
The last agreement that I want to talk with you about here today is the agreement to not make assumptions. Don Miguel Ruiz explains “don’t make assumptions” like this:
“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”
Have you ever had an experience where you go through a whole series of events in your mind about some disaster that could come to pass, only to realize that nothing even close to what you imagined was even going on? You can save yourself so much suffering by just being brave enough to ask questions instead of making assumptions. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. Unnecessary sadness and drama oftentimes come with making assumptions. You can avoid the unnecessary suffering by communicating clearly, and then also by asking clarifying questions instead of assuming the worst.
When I am feeling unsure about a decision that I need to make, or if I'm feeling unease in my body, I oftentimes find that when I pause and allow myself to feel those feelings that are coming up, there's something at play that can be solved by looking to the Four Agreements.
Sometimes it's that I was not impeccable with my word. When I have said something in a way where I wasn't speaking my truth from a place of love, I get to apologize.
Sometimes I am feeling discomfort because I'm assuming that someone is thinking something about me. The way through this is to ask questions and to bravely seek clarification.
Sometimes the discomfort I feel is because I've taken something personally, and I've chosen to make something about me that probably had nothing to do with me in the first place.
And finally, sometimes the discomfort that I'm feeling is present because I am trying to be perfect. When this comes up for me, I get to remind myself that perfection is not what I'm shooting for and that I get to always do my best, and that my best is good enough.
So I invite you, when you are experiencing challenges or hard emotions in your life, to use these Four Agreements as a tool.
Ask yourself: 1) Am I being impeccable with my word? 2) Am I making assumptions? 3) Am I taking something personally? 4) Am I doing my best?
I hope that you will begin using the Four Agreements too and that in doing so, it will help bring the peace and presence to your life that they have brought to me.
If you enjoyed Episode 26 and this blog post, I would love it if you shared the blog or the podcast with someone you think could benefit from them. I would also be incredibly grateful if you could leave an honest rating and review of The Business Mamas Podcast on Apple Podcasts as that helps more people find the show and it helps me in sharing this message of practicing self-love and self-care with more people whose lives I know could be enriched by hearing it. Sign up to download my Morning Routine Guide and receive my email newsletter at The Business Mamas Podcast. Until next time and with gratitude, Kara Stein-Conaway, @karasteinconaway on Instagram.
