Decide to Shine Your Light Brightly

In Episode 9 of The Business Mamas Podcast, I introduced a Framework for Enhanced Well-Being - Focus on Beliefs, Relationships & Making Heart-Guided Decisions. By using this framework, I have been able to unlock the incredible peace that comes with being present in my work, with my kids, and in other aspects of my life. I know you're ready to welcome that peace into your life as well. When you have empowering beliefs, and empowering relationships with yourself and others, you are setting yourself up to value yourself, to know your truth, and then to honor yourself and your truth by making heart-guided decisions.

Today, I want to talk with you about making the heart-guided decision to shine your own light brightly.

I was raised by two very encouraging and supportive parents who told me that I could be whoever I wanted to be and do whatever I wanted to do. They taught me that my voice mattered, and that I could use my voice to not only advocate for myself, but also to be an advocate for others. One of the ways they taught me this lesson was by listening to what I had to say as a child. As a parent, now, I am very conscientious about the importance of having my children know that I am listening to them, their message, and that I'm conveying to them that what they feel, think and say, matters. Even with receiving support and encouragement from my parents, as a young girl, and into my adult life, on more than one occasion, I know that I've chosen not to speak up when I had value to share because I didn't want to come across as bragging about something I was proud of figuring out or achieving. I stayed silent because I did not want to seem full of myself. On other occasions, I have stayed silent because I was worried about making someone else feel badly. Instead, I chose to dim my own light rather than risk hurting someone's feelings.

I know that I'm not alone in this. In “Get over it: why you can't afford to be shy about self-promotion,” Kim Churches, the CEO of the American Association of University Women, a nonpartisan non-profit that works to advance gender equity for women and girls, asserts:

“It's not enough to merely know your value to advance in your career, you must also be able to show value. Yet, recent research shows that 7 in 10 women would rather minimize their success than share them with others. Even the words ‘self-promotion’ make many women uncomfortable, and it's easy to see why. From a young age, women have been conditioned to be ‘good girls’ who keep their heads down, finish their work on time and pay attention to detail. But the same silent work ethic that won us A’s in school won't get us the C-suite at work. To be recognized as leaders, we need to sing like a canary not hide in the bushes.”

Even though I had very encouraging parents, I was still raised in our society that discourages girls and women from self-promoting. I can only imagine that if I'm struggling with this having been raised by my parents that other women and girls whose parents were not their champions, must also feel this way.

Shortly before I started this podcast, a younger lawyer who was a new mom asked me: Kara, how are you managing work and family life in what seems to be such a beautiful balance? Although I tried to answer her question with some ideas that I thought would be helpful to her, if I'm being honest, I know that I also downplayed what I've been able to create in both my career and with my relationships with my children.

Why did I diminish my success?

First, I didn't want to brag.

Second, I didn't want something that I could say to her, make her feel bad or worse, since I knew she was struggling.

The reality is that over the last eight years since I became a mother, I have focused on my mindset, on relationships with myself and others, and on practicing bravely making heart-guided decisions. I have read many books and I have developed systems and tools that have made such a big difference for me in navigating career and motherhood. I realized that by diminishing what I have learned, I deprived myself of the joy of recognizing how far I've come and I also deprived her of the chance of learning from me. What I've learned is available to empower other moms to live more beautiful lives, knowing that they get to have amazing careers and also have the loving, connected relationships with their kids that they desire. Prompted by her question, and with a desire to answer her more honestly and more fully, I'm sharing my stories, and the tools I've used on this podcast, so that I can help my listeners to live their most empowered lives as a career women and as a mamas.

In her book, Girl on Fire, Cara Alwill explains:

“Every time a woman rises up and celebrates herself, she shows another woman that it's okay to do the same. Every time a woman showcases her wins, she shows another woman that it's possible to achieve great things. When you choose that perspective, you owe it to the world to shout about your success from the rooftops!”

When we stay silent, it perpetuates a cycle of women feeling ashamed of their success, so I'm done. I’m done downplaying what I've learned, what I've accomplished, and who I am. There have been so many times when I've been enveloped by deep gratitude for the love and beauty I'm experiencing but I've held back and not shared out of fear that people will think I'm bragging or because I'm worried that someone might think I'm trying to discourage them by sharing my joy. This is ridiculous. When I see another person experiencing joy, to me, it's contagious. I take it as inspiration to create more joy in my own life. And I appreciate it every time I experience it. I am not going to assume that me sharing my joy is going to harm others.

I'm ready to shout my success from the rooftops, and I hope you'll join me in shouting your successes from the rooftops too. You never know who might really need to hear what you've got to say.

If you enjoyed Episode 28 and this blog post, I would love it if you shared the blog or the podcast with someone you think could benefit from them. I would also be incredibly grateful if you could leave an honest rating and review of The Business Mamas Podcast on Apple Podcasts as that helps more people find the show and it helps me in sharing this message of practicing self-love and self-care with more people whose lives I know could be enriched by hearing it. Sign up to download my Morning Routine Guide and receive my twice-monthly newsletter at The Business Mamas Podcast. Until next time and with gratitude, Kara Stein-Conaway, @karasteinconaway on Instagram.