Decide to Be Impeccable with Your Word by Speaking Your Truth from a Place of Love

In Episode 9 of The Business Mamas Podcast, I introduced a Framework for Enhanced Well-Being - Focus on Beliefs, Relationships & Making Heart-Guided Decisions. By using this framework, I have been able to unlock the incredible peace that comes with being present in my work, with my kids, and in other aspects of my life. I know you're ready to welcome that peace into your life as well. When you have empowering beliefs, and empowering relationships with yourself and others, you are setting yourself up to value yourself, to know your truth, and then to honor yourself and your truth by making heart-guided decisions.

Today, I want to talk with you about making the heart-guided decision to be impeccable with your word. Being impeccable with your word is a concept that I learned from Don Miguel Ruiz. In his book, The Four Agreements, Ruiz explains “be impeccable with your word” like this:

“Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

My interpretation of this quote is to speak my truth from a place of love.

Before diving into what it means to speak your truth, I think it's helpful to state what speaking your truth doesn't mean to me.

• Speaking your truth does not mean that you are inconsiderate of other people's feelings.

• Speaking your truth does not mean that you are demeaning.

• Speaking your truth does not mean that you are disrespectful.

• Speaking your truth does not mean that you are cruel.

When I say that being impeccable with my word means speaking my truth, I'm talking about speaking my truth from a place of love. When you speak your truth from a place of love, the reality is that it may lead to breakdowns. But, breakdowns can also lead to breakthroughs.

When you start speaking your truth from a place of love, your message will not always be received with a big welcoming hug, or with words of gratitude from the other person you are communicating with. In fact, it may be very uncomfortable, or the person may even react in anger.

If you love someone and value them, you need to love them enough to be honest.

Breakdowns oftentimes lead to breakthroughs. The breakthroughs sometimes happen very quickly, and sometimes they can take a long time. I think that you can't go wrong with loving honesty.

The feeling of lightness when you speak your truth is amazing and being honest is the most generous thing to do. Holding that perspective and insight to yourself, keeps the other person from realizing the greatness they have inside of them, when you're honest feedback could unlock something for them too.

Now I'm going to share with you a story about how my friend's willingness to speak her truth saved our friendship and taught me a lot about speaking my truth as well.

After graduating from Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo, my then boyfriend, now husband and I, moved to San Francisco. One of our friends who we loved visiting with in San Francisco was our friend Leslie. After I had met up with Leslie a few times, she told me that she had noticed that I was oftentimes late to meet her, and that it hurt her feelings when I was late. This surprised me to hear. In my view, I was not very late. And by being only 10 or so minutes late for social gatherings, that was something that I considered normal. Growing up, I remember that we were oftentimes late for social gatherings. Being on time, especially if I was meeting a friend at her home, wasn't something that I had given much thought to before Leslie brought this up to me. So, at first, I was a little hurt myself. I thought she was telling me that I was being a bad friend, and no one likes to hear that, especially from a friend you really value. However, as we talked further, she told me that she had been taught to never be late. She had been taught that if you were late, it showed that you did not respect the other person and their time.

So, what she was really telling me was that when I was late, she felt like I didn't value her.

Well, I didn't want my friend to feel like I didn't value her. That wasn't what was true for me at all. So, I asked her not to take it personally. I explained that my lateness was not at all with any intent to devalue her or to make her feel bad. She told me that she would try to do that but she was clear that it was really important to her that I be on time. I told her that I understood her perspective, and I had never really thought about it that way before. I also decided that what she was saying to me did make some sense, and that I would work much more conscientiously to be on time. I asked her not to expect perfection but that I would make an effort to be on time more often. I am so glad that Leslie shared this with me.

First, I'm glad because if she hadn't shared this with me, she either would have felt resentful about how I continued to be late or she may have decided that my friendship wasn't worth the emotional pain my lateness was causing her to have to deal with. In that case, she probably would have just distanced herself from me by declining my invitations, and that would have been such a loss. The pizza parties we had at her place watching Big Brother and the Real World in 2003- 2004 are some of my favorite memories of life as a recent college graduate, living in San Francisco. Plus, by her being honest with me, I gained a new perspective about how she was interpreting my being late. I know Leslie wasn't the only person raised with this perspective on punctuality. Being aware of her perspective has helped me be a better friend to others since this time. I'm so glad to have benefited from my friend choosing to be honest with me.

She was impeccable with her word. She spoke her truth from a place of love, from a place of honesty, and from a place of vulnerability. And by speaking her truth in that way, I learned something that I otherwise wouldn't have learned if she hadn't been impeccable with her word, and spoken her heart to me in that way. I am grateful to my dear friend Leslie who showed me how to be impeccable with your word all those years ago. I continue being mindful to be ever and ever more impeccable with my word, which means continuing to become braver and more honest about my truth, and my feelings, in my relationships and in my experiences with others.

I'll leave you with a challenge for how you can practice being impeccable with your word:

1) Think about an area in your life where you don't feel like you are speaking your truth right now.

2) Is there a relationship that you're in where you know you have a truth to speak but you've just been holding it inside for a long time?

3) I challenge you to come from a place of love, and speak your honest, loving truth.

4) Allow it to unfold, knowing that it could lead to a breakdown, but that breakdowns are opportunities for breakthroughs, and that you deserve the lightness and the peace in your heart that comes with being impeccable with your word, and speaking your truth from a place of love.

If you enjoyed Episode 25 and this blog post, I would love it if you shared the blog or the podcast with someone you think could benefit from them. I would also be incredibly grateful if you could leave an honest rating and review of The Business Mamas Podcast on Apple Podcasts as that helps more people find the show and it helps me in sharing this message of practicing self-love and self-care with more people whose lives I know could be enriched by hearing it. Sign up to download my Morning Routine Guide and receive my email newsletter at The Business Mamas Podcast. Until next time and with gratitude, Kara Stein-Conaway, @karasteinconaway on Instagram.