You’re Not An Imposter - Speak Your Truth and Live Unapologetically
In Episode 9 of The Business Mamas Podcast, I introduced a Framework for Enhanced Well-Being - Focus on Beliefs, Relationships & Making Heart-Guided Decisions. In Episode 12, we are focusing on beliefs and specifically, I want to address the important belief that you can live and speak your truth unapologetically.
Living and speaking your truth requires letting go of the fear that you are an imposter who is about to be found out. In doing some research about imposter syndrome, I came across an article by Shelley Iocona who explains that imposter syndrome does not discriminate. Imposter syndrome can affect anyone and it can be overcome.
Ms. Iocona goes on to explain that in the 1970s, Dr. Suzanne Imes and Dr. Pauline Rose Clance, first described the Imposter Phenomenon. Ms. Iocona goes on to say that Imes and Clance found that the Imposter Phenomenon often presents itself among high achievers who are unable to internalize and accept their success. Accomplishments are more often attributed to luck rather than ability and a fear that others will eventually reveal them as fraudulent is present. Imposter syndrome generates feelings of self-doubt and can result in anxiety and often depression. Iocona goes on to explain that the people in the spotlight are those most oftentimes hit with imposter syndrome.
The more successful one gets, the greater the inner turmoil can become. Looking deeper, imposter syndrome is rooted in a sense of perfectionism and a fear of failure. In reflecting upon Ms. Iocona's article on imposter syndrome, I remember feeling like an imposter as a brand new lawyer. It was 2008, and I had just received the good news that I had passed the California Bar Exam. As soon as my bar results came in, I was promoted from the position of law clerk to the position of Deputy Public Defender at the Los Angeles County Public Defender's Office.
The first assignment that I was given as a brand new Public Defender was to represent defendants at preliminary hearings. Preliminary hearings are hearings in felony cases where a judge makes a determination if there is probable cause to hold a defendant over for a trial. In comparison to the proof beyond a reasonable doubt standard that is required to convict a defendant at a criminal trial, the standard of proof at a preliminary hearing is much lower.
In addition to actually cross-examining the witnesses who were called at the preliminary hearing, I was also meeting with my client to interview the client about the facts of the case and to also explain to the client the procedure, including that I would be representing the client for this preliminary hearing but that another public defender was going to be assigned to take the case over after the preliminary hearing.
I remember one of the first clients I spoke to and what he said to me when we first met: “But you're just a baby.” I was 27 years old; in a lot of ways, he was right. I was a baby lawyer. Although I had already been through a more thorough training than most baby lawyers got to go through during my time as a Senior Law Clerk, I was still very new to the job. This was his life in the balance, so I could completely understand why he would see me as just a baby.
I was real with him. I thought he deserved that. I told him that although I am a new lawyer, I had spent many hours pouring over the police reports in his case, analyzing the legal issues involved and that I was as prepared as I could be to represent him to the best of my ability in this hearing. I explained to him the strategy that I had planned out for the hearing. I looked him in the eyes. He saw me seeing him as a fellow human being who was in need of help and I was the one who was there to provide that help. What he needed to know was that I knew this was important to him and that I was prepared to do my very best, that I was going to do my best work for him.
Before I met with my client that morning, I had worried that I would mess it up. You don't know what you don't know, and at this point, there was a lot that I still didn't know about being an advocate for those accused of committing crimes. What I did know was that to me, nothing mattered more than doing my best to serve another human being who did not have anyone else besides me to be his advocate. I knew he would not find another person anywhere who took that responsibility more seriously than I took it. That was true and by focusing on that truth, I turned my focus to what I could control.
I asked my supervisors anything and everything that came to my mind as an issue that I did not know how to approach. After doing that, I walked into battle and battled with everything that I had.
No one expected that we would win the case at the preliminary hearing stage, such that the case would be dismissed. That was an occurrence that was extremely rare and not a viable option with the facts of this case. However, we were gathering important evidence and we were creating a record that would assist the client with the case down the line, and I did just that. When you choose to be who you know you can be, you will do what you desire to do and you will have what you want to have in your life. This is freedom.
You Are Not In Control of What People Think; You Are In Control of Who You Get To Be
Every single day I get to choose who I am going to be.
I get to be brave.
I get to be loving.
I get to be focused.
I get to be anything I choose.
By choosing to be brave, I let go of what other people think about me.
When I am being brave, I take the actions that I would otherwise not take.
Then I have the beauty in my life that I would otherwise not have.
This is freedom.
When you don't allow yourself to be authentic, you will live in hiding. This is living in a cage you've created for yourself.
I've spent the last 12 years of my life representing people who are literally confined to cages or who if they aren't confined to cages, are petrified of having to go back to the cages, be those cages in the state prison or the county jail.
Most of you reading this article aren't living in literal cages, but you may be living in a cage that you've created for yourself. You've created this cage for yourself because you're scared of what people will think if they see the real you. So you stay locked up in a cage, playing small and not stepping out of that cage, but the door to your cell is not locked. Unlike our brothers and our sisters who are literally locked in cages, you just need to turn the key and step out of the cage.
Living Unapologetically v. Living Under a Cloud of Anxiety
To live unapologetically YOU is the greatest freedom.
Wake up each morning and know that you get to speak your truth.
Wake up each morning and know that you get to do your best and that your best is good enough.
That is a beautiful gift.
You are the only person who is capable of giving this beautiful gift to yourself.
If you feel like you’re living under a cloud of anxiety, my call to action for you is that you ask yourself: Are you hiding who you really are?
If you have been hiding your true self, you get to start speaking your truth unapologetically. As you practice speaking your truth you'll begin to feel light and that feeling of lightness continues to empower you to speak your truth over and over again.
Some of the things that you can't control are whether people will resonate with your message. If you're speaking authentically, not everyone will resonate with your message. The people who are meant to hear it and benefit from it, will hear it and benefit from it. The more boldly and bravely you share it, the more people who will hear it and have a chance to be transformed by it.
Not everyone is thinking about you and your message. They have their own lives and if you have something to say that could possibly impact others, say it. If it doesn't positively impact them, they'll ignore it and that's okay too. I hope you will start speaking your truth and letting go of the fear that you are an imposter because you are not.
If you enjoyed Episode 12 and this blog post, I would love it if you shared it with someone you think could benefit from it. I would also be incredibly grateful if you could leave an honest rating and review of this podcast on Apple iTunes as that helps more people find the show and it helps me in sharing this message of practicing self-love and self-care with more people whose lives I know could be enriched by hearing it. Sign up to download my Morning Routine Guide and receive my bi-weekly newsletter at The Business Mamas Podcast. Until next time and with gratitude, Kara Stein-Conaway, @karasteinconaway on Instagram.
