Relationships: Teaching Children to Love Themselves By Modeling Loving Ourselves

In Episode 9 of The Business Mamas Podcast, I introduced a Framework for Enhanced Well-Being - Focus on Beliefs, Relationships & Making Heart-Guided Decisions.

We've been talking about beliefs, relationships, and making heart-guided decisions as a framework that has given me incredible freedom to be present in my life, present in my work, present in my relationships outside of work, and present with myself in a new way that has brought me a great deal of joy and freedom. Today, on the blog and in Episode 16 of the podcast, I want to talk with you more about relationships and in particular about my relationship I have with my children. As a parent, I have the opportunity to help my children develop into the most loving versions of themselves, and I see that both as an honor and also as a responsibility. By being intentional about the type of relationship I want to have with them and the level of connection I want to cultivate, despite the other demands that I encounter in my life, my relationship with my sons remains at the top of my mind and heart.

One of the tools that I use to cultivate my relationship with my young sons is to make sure that I have dedicated playtime with them every day. It can be basketball, balloon volleyball, Lego projects, building a fort, an art project, or playing in our yard. During this playtime, I get to be completely present with them, and the play is usually pretty energetic.

I had a recent experience that I'll share with you about how I learned to come from a place of self-kindness and allow this dedicated playtime to look differently sometimes too.

On this night instead of rallying, I was honest with my then four-year-old son, Cameron, with where I was at. I spoke my truth to him instead of ignoring my needs, which helped me move through the funk that I had been feeling all day.

Me: Cameron, my legs are too tired to chase you up and down the stairs tonight. If you stay upstairs, I'll keep chasing you but I am not going to chase you up and down the stairs right now.

Cameron: Mommy, do you want to pretend to be a baby and I'll take care of you?

Me: Yes, that sounds great.

Cameron directed me to lay down on the couch. He brought me a pillow and tucked it under my head.

He covered me with his blanket. As Cameron started to take care of me, I realized that being taken care of and feeling loved was exactly what I needed today.

Cameron: Mama baby, you can be zero, one or two. Which one do you choose to be?

Me: I'll be zero.

As I laid on the couch, he put his arms up to the side of the couch and told me that he would keep his arms there so that I wouldn't fall off the edge since I was zero.

He was being my human crib railing. He dimmed the lights so I could have a nice nap. He kissed me and he told me that I'm a good mama baby and that he loves me.

I breathed out the sadness and heaviness that weighed on my heart today and I breathed in the pure love that Cameron was pouring into me. He made me his special Lego food creations for my breakfast, sang me lullabies, and I felt my eyes begin to well up when he asked me: Do you think I'll be a good grown-up someday?

I told him that he's a loving and kind human being, that he's already a good person, and that I know he'll be a wonderful grown-up someday.

At the end of my workday, I almost always rally my energy so that I can play the kind of physically energetic games like tag, that I know my sons enjoy.

On this night, I gave myself permission to let it look different. I could still be present with Cameron in a way that acknowledged myself, rather than ignoring my feelings and my depleted energy. By giving myself that grace I opened up an opportunity for Cameron to explore a special part of himself too. As the baby of our family, it was fun for him to get to pretend to be the grown-up caring for his mama baby, and my heart needed that so much.

Lessons for this mama: sometimes the magic can be found in the allowing rather than the rallying. The love that you crave might have been right in front of you this whole time. Open up your heart to allow it in.

As parents, we always want to be giving the best of ourselves to our children. One of the ways that I carve out time to take care of myself is to exercise my body. I do this to enhance my energy and also because I want to be able to show up for my kids every day with energy to play games with them that are fun for them, and to connect with them in that way.

But on this occasion, I learned that I could show up for Cameron and at the same time I could honor what I was feeling and the depletion of my energy that I was feeling. By showing up for him from a place of honesty and from a place of love, it opened up a new opportunity for an even deeper connection.

I hope that that story inspires you to realize that you are enough, that you can show up as you are from a place of love for your children, and be open to the magic that unfolds.

I know that that energetic play that I do with my sons is important to them. I will continue to cultivate my own energy and take care of myself so that I can continue to show up for them as much as I can with abundant energy.

I am also reminded that the sweet connection that I know means so much to me and them that also arises in those moments of slowing down, and having time together in that slowness.

I came across a sweet conversation that I shared with my son Jackson, who is now eight, in a moment of slowing down. This was a conversation that I had with Jackson when he was a little five-year-old who was about to start Kindergarten.

This was the conversation that we had:

Me: I only have a couple more nights that I get to snuggle you as a preschooler.

Jackson: When I'm a Kindergartner, you can still snuggle me.

Me: Okay, good, I will.

Jackson: When I'm bigger than a Kindergartner, like when I'm a really big kid, you can still snuggle me.

Me: Okay, good, I will.

Jackson: When I'm a grown-up, you can still snuggle me.

Me: Okay, good, I will. I will snuggle you forever.

Jackson: That's good with me.

He's eight now and he's still happy to have me snuggling him. We'll see how he feels in his teenage years, but I'm hopeful that he's still going to want to have mama snuggles forever.

My call to action for you is for you to ask yourself these questions:

1) What steps can you take to care of yourself, so that most of the time you can show up with energy to engage with your children in the ways you want to?

2) Do you need to implement a morning routine?

3) Do you need to carve out time for joy?

4) Do you need to set aside time for quiet reflection?

5) How can you fill up your cup so that you are overflowing with love, kindness, and energy for your kids?

6) On those days when your energy is particularly depleted, how can you show up with honesty and loving-kindness to be there for your children and still honor yourself?

If you enjoyed Episode 16 and this blog post, I would love it if you shared the blog or the podcast with someone you think could benefit from them. I would also be incredibly grateful if you could leave an honest rating and review of The Business Mamas Podcast on Apple Podcasts as that helps more people find the show and it helps me in sharing this message of practicing self-love and self-care with more people whose lives I know could be enriched by hearing it. Sign up to download my Morning Routine Guide and receive my twice-monthly newsletter at The Business Mamas Podcast.

Until next time and with gratitude, Kara Stein-Conaway, @karasteinconaway on Instagram.