A Framework for Enhanced Well-Being - Focus on Beliefs, Relationships & Making Heart-Guided Decisions

On April 17, 2021, I turned 40! I've been taking time to reflect on my life up to this point because 40 years is a lot of years to have been alive, to have human experiences, and I feel so grateful to myself that I've been giving myself the time and space to really reflect on:

• What it is to be alive for me?

• What it is to live in my purpose?

• How I feel my best?

• What is it that I'm doing when I am feeling really well?

• What are the things that I'm doing when I'm not feeling as well and as nourished?

I want to share some of those reflections here with you today as I embark on this milestone birthday for me. I've read a lot of books. I've taken a lot of courses. I've listened to a lot of other people's podcasts. In doing this, I've been distilling down what it is that I've been learning and putting into practice in my life that for me is making the biggest difference in my own well-being.

I am a really organized person and so when I can break down things into organized concepts, it helps me be able to understand what's going on with me and also for me to be able to identify things in a way that I can then use them in the future. So, one of the gifts that I've given myself and that I'm also now sharing with you is some conceptualization and organization of all of these practices that I've been putting in place that have really led to enhanced well-being for me.

Beliefs - The first area that I've really focused on in my life that I feel has made a huge difference in my overall well-being is in focusing on my beliefs, my mindset, my belief systems, and what thoughts are in my head that influence my life. Within the category of beliefs, there are certain specific beliefs that I have been practicing that I want to talk with you about, that I hope will also feel empowering to you once you identify them and can notice them.

Relationships - Another area that I've conceptualized as an area that has with my focus brought me enhanced well-being, is on relationships, and this is both relationships with myself and also relationships with other people. Specifically, I’m talking about being really intentional about those relationships, developing those relationships, when to invest more in certain relationships, and when to walk away from other relationships?

Heart-Guided Decisions - The third area after beliefs and after relationships that I have conceptualized is about making heart-guided decisions. So, when I am practicing having empowering beliefs, when I am in a relationship with myself that is loving, caring, and empowering, and I'm in relationships with other people that are also loving, caring, and empowering, then the third piece is making heart-guided decisions. Making heart-guided decisions is about taking action and doing the things that feel right. Heart-guided decisions are decisions where my heart is telling me this is the right next step for me, this is the place to lean into.

I believe that it's in focusing on these areas: my beliefs, my relationships, and now more recently also in making heart-guided decisions, that this is bringing about a new sweetness in my life that I hadn't fully experienced before. In knowing that these are really important components of me living this beautifully satisfying and joyful life, I just am so glad to be able to share this with myself. Because if I am able to digest down what has been working well for me in the past, then chances are better that I'll be able to recreate it when of course, those moments arise in the future that are challenging and when I realize something's not working right now, and why is it that I'm feeling off or I'm feeling low energy or I'm feeling that sense of something is just not right? With this increased awareness and these tools, I am able to come back to what I've learned and come back to it and say, okay, well what's going on here?

Let's explore these questions together:

Is there a belief system that you need to work on some more?

Or is there a relationship, maybe with yourself or maybe with someone else, that is causing some discomfort that needs attention?

Or is there a heart-guided decision that you know you need to make but that you've been putting off?

Having conceptualized this framework now, I know that I can come back to it and lean on it for support and to help me figure things out when I feel those kinds of feelings coming up for me. And I hope that by sharing this realization with you, that you will also be able to come to this framework for a tool and that it will help you move through challenges you face in your life.

I've been reading the personal development books, listening to the podcasts, taking the courses and doing all those things because I knew that investing in myself in that way was important. The benefit that I gained from making that investment in myself has been completely life-changing. I now spend most of my time feeling present, feeling engaged, feeling grateful that I'm getting to experience this precious life.

I have that feeling of presence while I'm working and I spend a lot of time working. I spend a lot of time working on my client's cases, digging into them, figuring out creative solutions, supporting them, interacting with them, and the large majority of that time that I spend working, I am really present in the work. I'm present in the research and the writing when that's a part of my work. I am present in the advocacy. I'm present in the client interaction in keeping them updated and informed about their cases.

It's a gift to be that present and it wasn't always that way for me. There were definitely times in my career where I spent a lot more time worrying about the future, being in an anxious state of knowing that I can't control the outcome.

This transition into being really present in the moment with my work where I'm at has given me so much peace and it makes the work so much more enjoyable. That's not only been my experience at work, but I also spend much more of my time being present when I'm engaging in those relationships when I'm with myself, my children, my husband, and my friends. Being able to fully settle in, fully hear and see the other person that I am giving my attention to, is such a gift. I know that previously I would sometimes be so distracted by other future-focused thoughts that I really couldn't fully settle in and give myself or another human being, my full focus.

This transition for me of just being present in my life, in my relationships has been so joy-giving, satisfying and fulfilling that I really felt called to share it. I want to be able to share that with you and I hope that you will be able to feel more present and joyful in your life, whether that's working, whether that's raising children, or in investing in your other important relationships that you have in your life.

As I embark on this new, exciting decade of my life and as I conceptualize what it is that I've learned up to this point regarding belief systems, relationships, and making heart-guided decisions, my intention for the next series of my podcast is to dive deeper into each of these categories. I'm going to start with beliefs and each podcast episode will go into a certain area of beliefs that I hope will find a home in your heart, where you'll be able to really take something of value that you can apply and see a beautiful shift in your life too.

So let's dive into beliefs.

You can love yourself by developing empowering beliefs. What are beliefs? Beliefs are our thoughts, beliefs influence our actions, beliefs influence our attitude, beliefs influence our behavior, and beliefs can be empowering. An empowering belief supports us in leading our best life. Beliefs can also be limiting and limiting beliefs can stop us in our tracks. They can stop us from allowing ourselves to move forward and achieve our goals.

They can stop us from allowing ourselves to step into that beautiful heart-guided action.

Why does it matter what you believe you are capable of, what you believe you deserve, and what you believe is possible in your life?

First, what you believe about yourself matters because it impacts your well-being and it impacts your happiness. Also, what you believe matters because your behavior is belief-driven.

I am dedicating this series of episodes for the podcast to beliefs to help you develop empowering beliefs. Developing these empowering beliefs is the foundation that you need to be able to allow yourself to live an empowered life knowing that you are serving at the highest level in your career and also having the loving relationships you desire in your life.

Although I am excited to talk with you about a few different important beliefs, I think that the most important belief to develop first is to know that you are enough.

If you haven't heard it already, I suggest you go listen to Episode Five of this podcast. It's called “You are Enough- A Lesson I Learned From My Father.”

I share resources that I have used in my own life. I'm not paid to promote any of the resources that I share with you. I just share them because they've been helpful to me and I hope that they might be helpful to you too. Some of the resources that I mentioned in Episode Five included those shared by Marisa Peer, Christine Hassler, and Cara Alwill. Marisa Peer encourages people to post notes around their houses that say, “you are enough,” and to set reminders on your phone that come up periodically that say, “you are enough.” In my life, I have used this technique suggested by Peer, depending on what I feel like I need to hear, I change what I say to myself.

“Your best is always good enough.”

“You are doing your best.”

“You are not trying to be perfect,” are three things that I frequently tell myself.

Even now, as I say it, “you are not even trying to be perfect”, brings me such relief. I remember as a young child that when I was in elementary school and I was taking a standardized test, that I ran out of time, I didn't even finish the test. I can't remember now what I was being tested on. That really didn't matter. What I do remember, was that I was feeling like my best wasn't good enough. I told myself that there was no way that my best was good enough since I had not even had enough time to fill in answers to all of the questions. Imperfection felt totally unacceptable to me. It was like I could not be okay and at the same time be imperfect. So when those feelings arise for me, telling myself, “you are not even trying to be perfect” and “you are not supposed to be perfect” is one of the ways I soothe myself. My personal adaptation of writing post-it notes saying “you are enough” is verbally telling myself “you are not even trying to be perfect” and “you are not supposed to be perfect.”

The thing is, I really do believe this is true, yet I still need to remind myself regularly. The time in my day where I oftentimes speak to myself to reinforce these beliefs is during my morning routine. I say “I am happy, I am healthy and I am not even trying to be perfect today.” These kind words I get to speak to myself first thing in the morning make such a big difference in the emotional place I am in when I start my day. Of course, these positive words of affirmation are available to me throughout the day as well, and I sprinkle them into my day when kind words from myself could uplift me.

What kind words do you need to hear to help reinforce your belief that you are enough?

Can you speak them to yourself first thing in the morning?

Is there another time during the day where you know you could benefit from giving yourself a five-second pep talk?

Christine Hassler’s amazing podcast, Over It and On With It is a place that I go when I feel like I need my cup filled up and I need a reminder that I am enough. Christine is a Life Coach and on her podcast, she coaches people live and shares the coaching for her podcast episodes. The callers are dealing with all kinds of issues, but one message that Christine always conveys and helps the caller understand is that they are enough. So when I'm feeling low and feeling like I need tools and a reminder that I am enough, her podcast is a place I go for that support. I started The Business Mama's Podcast with that same hope in my heart that what I'm creating is something that my listeners can turn to when they're feeling like they want to turn somewhere where they know they will be uplifted, supported, and given tools and inspiration. So since Over It and On With It has been such a wonderful tool to have in reinforcing the empowering belief that I am enough. I wanted to offer that to you too.

Cara Allwill’s podcast Style Your Mind For Success and her Girl on Fire Collective are additional resources that I use to remind me that I am enough.

Now that I'm talking about belief systems, I wanted to dive a little bit deeper into why I think it's so important to have your list of resources that you can go to when you need reminding that you are enough.

First, what you believe about yourself matters because it impacts your well-being and your happiness.

So for that reason alone, you should carve out time to develop empowering beliefs. By doing so, you will become happier, healthier and a better version of yourself.

Your beliefs impact what you think you're capable of.

Your beliefs impact what you think you deserve in your life.

Your beliefs impact what you can achieve.

Your behavior is driven by your beliefs.

So when you invest time and energy into your beliefs, you are doing incredibly important work on yourself that will impact you for the better in so many ways.

So, my call to action for you is this, number one, will you listen to the upcoming episodes of this podcast that will be designed to help you develop more empowering beliefs?

I hope you will.

Number two, will you start saying kind words to yourself to reinforce the belief that you are enough? I hope you will do that too.

If you need a little help in figuring that out, I would suggest you listen to My Breakdown to a Breakthrough, which is Episode Two of this podcast, where I talk about developing a morning routine.

Number three, will you explore podcasts or other positive sources of inspiration so that you have at your disposal places to turn to when you need to hear a reminder that you are enough?

I hope that The Business Mamas Podcast will continue to be one of those places for you and that you will continue to find other places to turn to as well when you need that kind of reminder that you are enough.

If you enjoyed Episode 9 and this blog post, I would love it if you shared it with someone you think could benefit from hearing it. I would also be incredibly grateful if you could leave an honest rating and review of this podcast on Apple iTunes as that helps more people find the show. And it helps me in sharing this message of practicing self-love and self-care with more people whose lives I know could be enriched by hearing it. Until next time and with gratitude, Kara Stein-Conaway, @karasteinconaway on Instagram.